June 30, 2009


"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin. "Love is the beauty of the soul." --St. Augustine

June 29, 2009

must-haves this soon .

i miss this high-school-smell

this whitey-cool-gadget

i run out of this one

saving , saving , saving . only urge-buys allowed !

neither full nor empty .

.. and after all, basically life is just like filling up your fuel tank .
at times you can full your tank , but at times you can only afford a bit upper from the empty indication . and that's the f-ing reality , so .. get real .

i insist my self to get real .
i have to know that sometimes the can't-afford-it-thingy may happen to anyone , including me and my surroundings . because things happen unconditionally , things happen unpredictably , things happen as they like , but one good thing is : things always come up with a good reasoning within .
and i keep insisting my self to believe that it is , though honestly it's hardly to believe that it is .
but being wise at times like this is a must , it's a secret-strength , i don't care if it nearly looked alike a fake-thingy, i just need to stand still , this strong , this pretty strong .

getting real on this can't-afford-it-thingy doesn't have to be something like money-talks, it can be something like how strong your heart can afford a heartache , how clever your brain can manage insisting-hard-options , how wise your feeling can accept any faith including the those unfortunate ones . those things absolutely some kind of the affordability-thingy that may come up . i wonder how strong people with strong feelings can ignore the ache of things they feel by just curl they body tight and pretend to sleep, because folks , i can't ever do that , it's hurt to know that i have to lie to my self , keep telling that things are right but actually they're not . the only fake thing i can keep telling my self is what i mentioned before : things always come up with a good reasoning within.

and by keep repeating the words , i suddenly realize that there's one good man keep encouraging me to think that way , and perfectly insist me to believe in what it is . he wants to keep me here , stand still with him , now and then , by stepping forward , further and further . i can't stop thanking you for coming up this far , for me . i love you .

♥, cynthia

June 20, 2009

a simple life pattern .

once you're up there ,
once you're down there ,
once you're in between .

life has a simple pattern of treating humans, at times puts them really up-high , at times puts them really down-deep, and at times puts them in between . when life treats you right by putting you up-there, you're happy , you're smiling , you forget that life may treat you bad at times . when life kicks your ass by putting you down-deep in sadness, you keep cursing life , you even can't remember how life ever treated you good at previous good times . when life's so-so , then again , you don't feel enough .

we can't be selfish by always wanting good times up-high , because every human has a basic-simple-pattern of living a life . we have to feel that up-down-in-between thingy . honestly , i'm now in my very down-deep time, i fail at things , i keep cursing my faith , how can life treat me this bad ?

but then again , i try to think straightly , that things like this may happen to every human , because there are so many things human may fail at . so , being failed in life at times , that's a part of life's basic-simple-pattern . at least, this thought can make me chill someway . because , i'm surely sure that i'll have my up-high-pattern ahead , and i'm heading to it . wish me my best luck ! ;)

~and dear dearest hubby , thanks for always backing me up , a half of this strength , i got it from you

♥, cynthia .